What should you do when you disagree with someone at work? Normally, I like to question, tentatively, over the issue…you know ask critical questions such as: look at why the decision was made; what is the impact of that decision; when was the last time it was reviewed – those kinds of things. However, there may not always be the time, or the person or people you disagree with may see this as a challenge to their authority; this is just the simple reality of the workplace. I personally think that the inability to accept critical questions, based on a decision you have made, comes from a place of insecurity of self, or fear of upsetting the status quo – either one is not a bad thing, it just is what it is. So, what can be done?
These would be my top tips for trying to solve a disagreement, that you care passionately for:
- Remain calm at all times.
- Continue, but do proceed with caution, and make your positive intentions clear.
- Build rapport, and know what motivates the person you are speaking to, and what are their self-interests. This seems rather a direct approach, but this is a reality of life; see The 48 Laws of Power.
- Find the time and place to have the debate, not out in the open, but in a safe place for that person.
- Use tentative and complementary language, from a place of sincerity.
- Treat the person with respect, and do not assume that you know more – particularly if this person is your leader.
- Learn from this person, and be thankful for it.
- Don’t say this is how we did it at my last school, or worse still this is the way we have always done it.
- Make sure that you have thought about what you want to say, and provide alternative practical solutions to the decision.
There may also be situations that you desperately want to debate, or have a balanced argument on something, but unfortunately, not all situations that you disagree with are worth fighting over. After reading A Complaint Free World, I know that complaining behind that person’s back is absolutely not the answer. Moreover, if you find that you disagree to the point where it makes you unhappy, you have but three choices:
- Accept the decision for what it is, and genuinely get on board.
- Continue to be unhappy and argue with the person and complain behind their back – not recommended.
- Move on to the next opportunity.
Finally, I would like to end with, if you find yourself in a heated disagreement, and it gets personal, know that it isn’t about you. It is about the other person – see The Four Agreements.